


Confused Love

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Community: lgbtfest, F/F, F/M, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Kyman - Freeform, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, M/M, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Original Character, South Park Reverse Mini-Bang 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-15 05:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13606539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam can't coming to terms with himself. He's secretly attracted to his life long friend, Levy. He doesn't know what to do or where to turn but surprisingly, he receives help from his girlfriend, Sophie Anderson.





	1. Chapter 1

**I don't own South Park but the South Park next generation kids belong to me and "All Characters and Events in this fanfic-even those based on real people are Entirely Fictional. by ric122 aka AgostoProductions...**

I'm sitting on my bed with my pants around my ankles. I feel all my stress melt away as a warm, wet mouth wraps around my dick. I lay my head back and my eyes roll into the back of my head. It feels amazing. I grunt in satisfaction.

Levy looks so hot with his mouth around my cock. He really knows what he's doing, like it isn't the first time he's done this. I reach my hand down and tangle my fingers in his beautiful red curls. He quickens his pace and I can feel myself getting close. I can't contain myself anymore.

"Mmm…. Levy" I moan breathily.

Suddenly he stops.

"What the fuck did you just call me?!"

My head jerks up and my eyes shoot open, pulling me back to reality. I can feel the panic on my face. I look down between my legs and see Sophie on her knees, staring up at me angrily like she's about to bite my dick off.

She stands up quickly and I can see the look on her face is serious.

"I said Sophie?" I say in a questioning tone, knowing very well I've already nailed my coffin shut.

"You just called my Levy!"

"It was an accident, I didn't mean it, honestly, it just slipped out!" I say, pleading with her to not be upset.

"Do you love him?" She asks.

"What? No, of course not!" I say. This being the truth as far as I can tell. I do love Levy, as a friend. He's my super best friend and yes, there is love. I love him, but I'm not IN love with him. Yet, for some reason I can't keep my perverted thoughts under control. He has been clouding my brain when I jack off, and now apparently when I'm trying to be intimate with my girlfriend. There is lust there I suppose. He is really attractive. He has broad shoulders and a slim figure, he's taller than me by about 4 inches. (I'm 5'9, he's 6'1). He has those beautiful red curls, and the nicest emerald eyes that can completely paralyze you with one look. Stop thinking at this point because I'm not helping myself in my current situation.

"Are you sure? Because it seems to me that he's on your mind an awful lot, even now, while I'm giving you head! Were you thinking about him? Are you gay?! Oh, my god, I knew it!" She doesn't even stop to breathe. I grab her shoulders and make her look me in the eyes.

"No Sophie, I'm not gay. If other people want to be gay, that's fine, but it's not my thing." I say.

"Sam, please don't lie to me. You know very well that I'm not stupid!" She says crossing her arms.

I stand up, tuck myself back into my boxers and pull up my pants, then sit back on the bed and look down at the floor. She takes a seat next to me and takes hold of my hand.

She takes a deep breath, then smiles. "We've only been back together for two weeks, maybe we rushed into things. I mean, yes, we've dated before but that was 5 years ago, we were only 11 years old back then. I didn't think about the fact that maybe we aren't compatible anymore, or the fact that you'd possibly like dick instead."

"I don't like dick Sophie" I sigh.

"Sam, please, be honest with me. Were you thinking about Levy?"

I look down again. "Kind of?" I say ashamed of myself "but I have no clue why, because I know I'm not gay!"

"Honey, you just said you were thinking about a GUY while getting a blow job, that's a gay thought sweetie." She says as she rubs the back of my hand trying to be reassuring but it isn't working.

I feel like a freaking idiot. Sophie is smart, and beautiful. Any guy would kill to be with her. It's not that I don't want to be with her, because I do, but I don't think it's going to happen now due to the current conversation. She's going to leave, I know she is.

I don't know why it all of the sudden feels like I'm talking to a therapist instead of my girlfriend. I start tearing up and say, "I don't want to be gay."

She smiles, "Maybe you're not. Let's talk for a minute, do some research."

"okay…" Now I'm suddenly nervous. What does she mean 'research'?

"Tell me about Levy." She says, studying my face.

"Well, he's my best friend. He's really smart and talented. He is Jewish and plays baseball. He is really good at filming, he wants to work for Hollywood one day!" I say, proud of my super best friend.

She smiles and nods. "What does he look like?"

"He has red hair, and is tall-" she cuts me off.

"close your eyes and imagine him in your mind, what does he look like?"

I close my eyes and picture Levy. "Levy has broad shoulders, he's also really tall, his chin comes to my forehead. His hair is red and curly, it's also really soft and smells… kind of nice…" I peek open an eye to look at her, she's smiling and nods for me to continue. "He has the most beautiful eyes. They are emerald with little flakes of gold sometimes. He looks me straight in the eyes when we have a conversation. His lips… well… they look really soft. He has a nice body too, when I watch him change in the locker room he is always shiny with sweat and... oooh… I see where you're going with this…" I blush in embarrassment.

"Sam! You're gay!"

I shake my head rapidly. "No, no, no, no! I'm really not gay! I don't think about guys like that! …. Just Levy, apparently."

She smiles. "Maybe you aren't gay. There's always a possibility that you're just attracted to one person of the same sex. Or hell, you could even be bi. Sexuality is confusing and that's okay. You're still young, experiment! You never know. I spent a whole summer fooling around with Mallory and that was kind of nice and-"

"What?!" I ask in disbelief.

"She decided that she didn't like women, and that's okay. Really, I'm over it. It was 2 years ago, we were young and didn't really know what we were doing anyways… It's not important, we are talking about you!"

I sit there not really knowing what to say in response. So, she just continues, "Spend some time on the computer… they have 'erase history' for a reason you know. See what you like… See what turns you on"

I blush hard and frown. I can't believe her mouth was on my dick not even 15 minutes ago, and now she's telling me to watch gay porn! She gives me a hug and takes her leave. I sit there frustrated, and ultimately, confused. I felt the ache in my groin as I realize I was denied orgasm just as I was reaching my climax… I get up and lock the door.

Did she break up with me? Are we still together? These questions flood my head as I drop my pants to the floor and kick off my socks. I grab my soft member and begin to stroke it slowly. 'Experiment' she says, sure, whatever. I close my eyes and think of Sophie. She's straddling me and looks down and smiles as she unhooks her bra. She giggles and moves to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She leans down to kiss my neck...I start stroking a little harder to try to become fully erect. She reaches down and grabs my dick and begins stroking it. I stop and frown and my semi-hard dick. Then I sigh admitting defeat and grab the lube out of my side table drawer. I lube up my dick and my fingers really well and go back to it. I start to pump harder and tease around my entrance before closing my eyes once more. It's Levy this time. He is pumping my dick and his at the same time, pressing them together, while fingering my ass hole. I stick a finger in myself and let out a pleasured shudder. "Mmmmm… Lev, I like when you finger me".

I'm rock hard at this point with pre-come dripping from my tip. I stroke harder and start thrusting my finger. I curl up my legs, pulling them to my chest and add a second finger. "Mmm, yeah Levy, fuck me, fuck me!"

That sends me over the edge. I quickly grab a tissue and come hard. It's coming in waves and I shudder and have trouble regaining myself…

I've never actively TRIED thinking of Levy, he usually just sneaks his way into my brain. Now that I actually made an effort, I may have just had the biggest orgasm of my life.

I tuck myself back into my boxers and get under my covers. I look up at the ceiling.

"Well, Shit…"


	2. Chapter 2

School the next day is very awkward. I didn't mean for it to be, but I found myself trying to avoid Levy. If I avoided him, then I wouldn't have to see him. If I didn't see him, maybe I wouldn't think about him. I know it sounds juvenile and stupid but it's really the only thing I can think of.

First period comes and goes, I manage to hide out in the bathroom until he has already left his locker. However, once fifth period comes I realize that I can't avoid him any longer unless I skip class. I can't skip fifth period, it's American History and I'm just barley passing by the skin of my teeth. I can't afford to fail otherwise I risk getting kicked off the football team. Coach and the team would kill me! Besides, if I missed class Levy would probably come by after school to bring me my homework. I'd honestly prefer to see him here than being with him alone in my bedroom.

Alone in my bedroom… mmm…. He would come in and show concern because he would think I was sick all day. He would come over to me and put his forehead on mine to check for a fever. Then, I'd lean up and kiss him. He's kissing back and pulls me tighter to him by the collar of my shirt, then works his way down my neck and… God damn it! I snap out of it and bring myself to focus on getting to class on time.

I shuffle into the class room, slide into my desk and lay my head down. I can hear him sliding into his desk next to me. He pokes me and I turn my head slightly to the side, looking at him with only one eye.

"Dude, you're here today? I thought you were absent. I haven't seen you all day, where the hell have you been?"

I just grunt in response and lay my head back down. He starts rubbing my back and I am suddenly very aware of his touch. My face burns with embarrassment. Why is he touching me? Ugh! He always touches me, it's what friends do. Why is everything so confusing and frustrating all the sudden?

"Are you sick or something? Maybe you should go to the nurse, your cheeks look red." He reaches his hand under my head and feels my forehead. I tense up quickly, though he doesn't seem to notice. He pulls his hand away and I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. "you don't feel like you have a fever" he says.

"I'm just tired I guess" I mumble. I guess this could be true. I didn't sleep very well last night. I kept trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me. Why am I lusting after my super best friend, Levy? And why so suddenly? It's only been a week since I first started having perverted thoughts about Levy. It started with a wet dream.

We were up in my room playing Xbox One like we always do when he doesn't have baseball and I don't have football. We were playing a fighting game and I was kicking his ass. He became frustrated when he saw a K.O flash on screen after I gave the final blow. He threw down the controller and punches me playfully.

"Damn dude, again?" he grunts in frustration and all I can do is laugh and punch him back.

"If we were in a wrestling match for real, I would totally kick your ass" he says smugly.

"Sure, whatever dude."

"I'm serious, I've been working out, I'd totally win."

"Oh yeah? Prove it." I taunt.

He pounces and we start to wrestle, only a few moments pass before he is straddling me and has my arms above my head, holding my wrists together. I try the best I can to roll over and break free, but I can't seem to get the upper hand. He smirks as his entire weight is on my body and he's overpowering me with his newly acquired strength. "I knew one day I'd finally be stronger than you!" he smiles. I struggle again with little result; my breathing starts to get heavy and I look up at him with pleading eyes. He brings his face a mere inch or so from mine and whispers "Say uncle". I don't though, instead I reach my neck up and close the gap between our lips. He seems shocked at first but when he feels my tongue barley touch his bottom lip, he takes control. He is kissing back now, very hard, grabbing the collar of my shirt. He makes his way down my neck with his lips and leaves several marks. He hungrily fumbles with the button of my jeans. When I don't object, he says, "I've wanted this for a very long time."

"Me too" I breathe, reaching up to take off his shirt.

He slides my jeans off and reaches for my rock-hard erection, pumping now, almost violently. I moan in pure ecstasy. I am already close. I feel his erection on my thigh that he is now straddling, and I can't control myself any longer. "come for me baby! I want to see your O face." He smirks.

With that, I release with a violent cry, getting it all over my shirt.

"Damn dude, you're fucking sexy as hell! Look, at what you do to me." He says, gesturing to his erection.

I look at the bulge in his jeans and bite my bottom lip. He starts grinding against me, "Fuck, I wanna fuck you! Can I fuck you? Fuck it, I'm gonna fuck you!" he says as he urgently takes his pants off.

Beep… beep…beep!

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP! The alarm clock screams at me.

I woke from my dream with my heart still racing. I felt under the covers and… Shit… then I had to wash my sheets without waking my mom.

That was last week. Ever since that dream, I can't seem to masturbate without Levy sneaking into my thoughts. I didn't think it was a big deal because I was just touching myself. Now though, it's a big problem. I can't even be intimate with SOMEONE ELSE. He's there, always. He's there to fill my brain with desire and the need to feel him in ways that best friends shouldn't feel each other. I don't know what to do. I don't want to pursue things with him because I know it wouldn't be right. I know Levy is straight, and I can't risk our life-long friendship just because my brain and dick are ganging up on me. This is ridiculous. If I avoid Levy, I risk messing up our friendship. If I keep thinking of him, I also risk messing up our friendship. The only way out of this is to just make the thoughts go away. I'm not gay anyway. I can't be gay. I'm Sam Marsh, and Sam Marsh most certainly is NOT gay.

Levy doesn't speak again because the teacher has started her lesson.

Sophie said that it's possible to still be straight and just have an attraction for one other person of the same sex. I guess that's possible. Why do I feel like I need another therapy session? I don't want to talk to Sophie though. I really don't feel like being around her and giving myself more grief for what happened yesterday. I don't even know if she's my girlfriend anymore. I pull out my phone and hide it under my desk. I send a test message to Sophie.

'Are we still together? I understand if the answer is no. I'm just so confused right now.' Send.

She doesn't text back. Not that I expect her to, we are in the middle of class. The bell rings, signaling the end of fifth period. The rest of the day goes by surprisingly quick. I can breathe a little bit easier because I only have the one class with Levy.

Still, I can't help but wonder what's really going on. This isn't normal, is it? I need to talk to someone, but who? I don't want to talk to Sophie, not yet. I can't talk to Levy, even though I've always talked to him about everything. Who does that leave? Derick? Hah! Yeah right. I sigh and text the only person I truly feel I have left.

'Hey Kendall, I was wondering if you could come over after school? I have something that's been bugging me and I really need to get it off my mind'

He responds almost immediately.

'Well, I planned on getting high when I got home, and I doubt very seriously your parents wouldn't notice if I lit up in your room. You can come keep me company at my place if ya want.'

I let out a sigh. I've known that Kendall smokes weed, but I still get slightly uncomfortable with the thought of being around it. I guess it's my parents and Mackey hammering 'drugs are bad' into my head. I start to wonder what made him even want to try it in the first place. I decide that the talk is too important to be a pussy about a stupid little plant. Maybe if he's high enough he will forget the conversation shortly after it happens.

'Kay, I'll be there at about 3:30.'


	3. Chapter 3

I get to Kendall's house at about 3:45. Kendall answers the door and leans against the frame, sporting a cheesy grin. "Heeeey buddy…" then bursts into a fit of laughter. I roll my eyes, he's already high off his ass.

"Hey" I say back.

"Please, please come in!" he moves, allowing me to enter.

We go up to his room and he quickly shuts the door behind us.

"So… what's new with you?" he asks flopping down on his bed, which is only a mattress on the floor.

"Just how high are you right now? You seem pretty gone." I say in a serious tone, joining him on the bed.

"I'm good, I'm good. I'm just a little bit high." He uses a high pitch tone to say the word 'little' and uses his thumb and index finger to gesture 'little'.

"yeah, okay. Sure."

"you seem sad, whatsssss the matter?" he drags out the words, then sits up and puts his chin on my shoulder. I brush him off.

"I'm stressing over something really dumb. My stupid brain is being fucking retarded." I clench my fists and am becoming angry. I don't want to think about this anymore, I really don't. I want it all to stop

"You need to relax man. Here, smoke this with me, ya?" he's holding a pipe and looks at me before wiggling his eyebrows.

I'd never done drugs before. I knew this was not a good idea, but Kendall seemed happy and carefree right now, so maybe I would too. If it would make Kyle leave my personal thoughts, I'd try anything.

"Sure. Why not." I say flatly as I reach for it.

"Seriously? Wait, what?!" he asks in disbelief. "Stan, you don't smoke weed, you're a "good kid" remember? I was completely joking, you know I'd never pressure you. Don't be a retard."

"Just shut the fuck up and tell me how to do this." I say as I put the pipe up to my mouth.

He looks at me skeptically, then takes my hands in his showing me how to hold the pipe. "and then you light and inhale, then take this finger off this hole here is you breathe in. Don't blow out right away, hold it in for as long as you can." He looks nervous as hell and possibly a little disappointed.

I do as I'm told but am only able to hold my breath for three seconds before coughing harder than I ever have in my entire life. I try again, this time making it to 10 seconds, coughing a bit at the end of my exhale.

"I don't feel anything" I frown and do it again.

"Whoah whoah, slow down. That shit's a creeper. Its gonna hit you real hard here in a few minutes."

He takes the pipe from me and uses the end of the lighter to pack the bowl tighter. He takes a few hits and sets it down.

"Okay, now tell your pal Kenny what's going on." He puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, I really don't know how to say this, but I don't know who I am anymore. Like, I think I'm having an identity crisis."

Kendall just laughs, "dude, you're being ridiculous. What, are you worried you're gay or something?" He laughs again until he sees that my concerned face hasn't changed… "Oh… Shit dude. Really? You're fucking with me, right?"

"I wish I was… ugh, when is this shit going to kick in? I still feel mad and confused!"

"It will, just give it a minute. Why do you think you're gay?"

"well... because I keep having gay thoughts about someone, It's really frustrating."

"Why don't you just tell Levy you're hot for him?"

"What? Who said it was Levy? It's not Levy!"

"If it wasn't Levy, you'd be having this conversation, sober, with him" he looks at me with knowing eyes.

"God damn it Kendall! I hate you." I look down at my shoes. And I can feel him smiling, feeling accomplished with his detective skills.

I suddenly look left to right and notice that the edges of my vision are becoming fuzzy. I look over at Kendall and he makes a silly face, for some reason, it's the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I burst into hard laughter and my sides start to ache from laughing so hard. What the hell? It wasn't even that funny, yet for some reason I have uncontrollable laughter.

"Congrats Sam, you're high." He looks at me with his cheesy grin, and I can tell he's feeling it again too.

"Shiiiiiiiit. Hahahahaha!"

"So anyways, back to you. What do you mean gay thoughts?"

"Come on man, don't make me say it. I was talking to Sophie about it and-" I get cut off.

"Shit dude, I forgot, you're like, with her and you're gay with your super best friend. Damn dude. What did she say? Are you guys still together? How did it even come up?"

"It's a long story man, all I know is that she says that sometimes you can be straight but have lust or feelings for one other person of the same sex."

"Mmm…" he nods showing he's listening.

"She also said maybe I'm bi. I don't know if we're still together. I mean, if your boyfriend was gay wouldn't you break up with him?" I look at him with a face of defeat.

"If I had a boyfriend the point would be that he IS gay."

"you fucking smart ass, you know what I mean." I say, then suddenly start laughing uncontrollably again.

I lay back on the bed clutching my sides and don't stop until I feel a presence over me. I open my eyes and see Kendall hovering over me. All laughing ceases and I suddenly feel a bit scared.

"What are you doing?" I ask cautiously.

"I'm trying to help you. Maybe Sophie is right, maybe it is just Levy." He says lowering his face toward mine.

"Kendall, you're straight." I breathe shallow, suddenly nervous. I've never kissed anyone but Sophie before. Sophie, a woman. I've never kissed another guy before, I never thought I would want to. Do I want to kiss Kendall? I don't even know. Stupid pot, clouding my brain.

"So?" he laughs "but in all seriousness, you're my friend. Just consider this my way of helping you figure out who you are."

He closes his eyes and presses his lips to mine. It feels strange. Not bad though. It is certainly different than kissing Sophie, that's for sure. He deepens the kiss and licks my bottom lip, biting at it just slightly. I grunt in satisfaction. I open my mouth allowing his tongue to enter, as he climbs the rest of the way on top of me. I tangle my fingers in his greasy blond hair, earning a slight hum from him. I feel myself getting hard. I'm so fucking confused. What the actual fuck is happening to me right now!? I lose all feeling of self-control. I reach my hands up under his shirt behind him, and start scratching his back. I'm completely lost in this moment and I'm not sure if it's the drugs or not, but I find myself wanting more. I reach down for his pants and unbutton them. He stops.

"Whoa, hold on a minute, cowboy." He says and then gets off me.

I feel my face turn beat red. "Sorry" is all I can force out of my throat. It suddenly feels dry. My heart is still pumping quickly, but I'm not sure if it's because of the kiss itself or the sudden feeling of rejection.

"Well?" he says, "How was it? Though I'm not sure I even have to ask." He smiles like the smug asshole he is.

"I… I um… I think I'm bi?" My stomach hurts so much right now, I feel like I could shit a brick.

"Yeah, I would say so too. Either that or I'm just that damn good. I even gave you a stiffy and everything. Haha!" He points to my erection and I feel my whole face burn in shame.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole. Why did you do that to me? Now I feel like a fucking pervert. Fuck!" I clench my eyes shut, trying my hardest to not let the tears come. When my eyes finally open, tears sneak out the corners.

His smile fades and his face turns to one of concern. "It's okay man. It wasn't bad. I mean, I kind of liked it too." He says reassuringly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I do love pussy, and I know you know that."

"So do I! I think… Shit."

"Well, you must enjoy it at least a little when you and Wendy fuck, right?"

"Actually, we've never-"

"You're still holding your v-card man? Damn, I wasn't expecting that. I just figured you'd already gotten lucky."

I shrug. He gets a look on his face like he had a 'light bulb' moment. He grabs his phone and clicks around a bit and then flashes the phone to me. The screen has an image on it.

"Jesus, what the fuck is that?!" I ask as I shove the phone back towards him.

"It's a picture of Mallory's pussy." Seeming proud of his picture he received from her, though I'm sure she wasn't expecting Kendall to show it to her best friend's boyfriend.

"You're such an asshole, something like that is supposed to be private, why are you showing this to me anyways?" I ask annoyed.

"I wanted to see how you'd react, it was pretty fucking hilarious."

I scowl at him. "I think I should go."

"Do you feel better? I mean, now you know it's not just Levy, though based on how you reacted to seeing the hottest think ever, I would venture to say you aren't bi either."

"I don't know how I feel right now" I admit, feeling bummed again. "I'm gonna go home. Thanks for your help I guess. I'll see you at school tomorrow." I get up and head towards the door.

"you know it babe." He winks and slaps my ass.

I turn around with a smile on my face and flip him off. "fuck you."

Once I am out of there, I take the walk home slowly. I allow all my thoughts to flow freely through my brain. I'm curious how long I was at Kendall's. I'm still high and time seems to be moving strangely; quickly and then extremely slow. I pull out my phone to check the time and notice Sophie finally replied to my text.

"Yes sweetheart, we are still together, you're just a little confused right now. It's not like you actually cheated on me or anything."

I feel my stomach drop and I'm instantly filled with guilt. "Fuck!"


	4. Chapter 4

I walk to Sophie's house slowly. I'm dreading having to tell her what I did with Kendall. I told her at school today that I needed to talk to her. She didn't seem worried, which makes me nervous. I am still so lost in my own head. Am I gay? I still don't know the answer to this haunting question.

I approach her door slowly, and knock half-heartedly. She opens it with a big grin on her face.

"Hi Sammy." She greets happily. How can she be so calm and collected? Her boyfriend could be a homo, I imagine that type of thing doesn't normally go over well. We go inside and I set my backpack on the floor before sitting with her on her bed.

"So, what do you want to talk to me about?"

"Sophie, I'm so sorry. I- I think I really am gay." I say, lowering my head. She doesn't say anything. The silence is haunting so I continue, speaking the words before I can filter them. "I did what you said, I experimented. It was nice, and now I'm almost positive that I'm only really attracted to men. I liked it a lot and wish that things could have gone further but he pulled away."

"Wait" she cuts me off "What are you talking about? I meant try jacking it to gay porn. What is going on?"

"I'm so sorry babe, I cheated on you."

She seems a little hurt now. "Oh. Well I guess I don't really have anything to say."

"I'm so, so, so sorry!" Though I know sorry isn't enough.

"It's okay Sam, I knew this was coming. I knew you were gay before you did. Honestly, I've always suspected it, but my suspicions were confirmed when you called me Levy. I just- I wish that you had figured it out without having to cheat. I knew we weren't going to work, I knew you would figure out who you are soon, but it still hurts just a little." She slumps her shoulders.

"I want to fix this. How do I fix this?" I ask almost too desperately.

"you can't Sam. You're gay, and I'm a woman. You want to make me feel better? Be yourself. Embrace who you are. I want to help you. I still want to be friends, and see you be truly happy." She smiles half-heartedly.

I breathe a sigh of relief and the corners of my mouth curl up slightly. Then she's suddenly in 'girl mode'.

"So, what happened?" she grabs my hands eagerly.

"I discovered that the lips of a man feel, kind of nice… no offence." I'm blushing a bit.

"none taken. So, you kissed him? Did he kiss back? Surely you told him of your thoughts, so what did he say?"

"Oh" I say, now realizing that she misunderstood. "It um… it wasn't Levy. It was Kendall."

"What?!"

"Yeah. I- um… I was high."

"Sam, you do drugs? I never would have expected that from you. I guess it's good that we're just friends now otherwise I'd have dumped you just now. I don't judge friends, but I refuse to have a druggie as a significant other." She says, with almost a scolding tone.

"I don't do drugs… didn't do drugs… I never had before. It was my first time, and it wasn't anything hard, just weed, I swear. I was confused and frustrated and saw it as a way out. I don't think I'll do it again." I'm not sure if this last statement is a lie or not.

"Oh, okay. Anyways, what happened with Kendall? I thought he was straight, though I suppose he could be bi."

"He's straight. I told him everything that was bothering me and I told him how you said that it could be that I'm straight and am just lusting after only Levy… Then he said he wanted to help me figure it out, and he kissed me, and well, I kind of liked it. So now I know that I'm gay." I'm hoping that she doesn't pry on how I know I'm not bi instead. I really don't want to tell her that I've seen a picture of her best friend's vagina.

I'm noticing the more I say the words 'I'm gay' the more real everything seems to feel. I feel myself trying to deny it less and less. I'm starting to feel myself accepting it. But I worry about others accepting it, especially my girlfri- um.. ex-girlfriend. I start to wonder why she isn't more hurt by all of this. I decide now's as good a time as any to ask.

"Sophie, why are you so cool with this? I mean, how are you wanting to help me persue someone else when we were trying to start something between us?" I ask cautiously.

"I don't know Sam, I guess it's because… in a sense- I've been there, and I guess, I'm still kind of there now" She looks down.

"What do you mean?"

She sighs then chuckles, "It's a long story, and I'm too sober to bring out my skeletons." I knew Sophie didn't drink, not really. She had tried it once or twice and said she didn't like the taste. Sophie starts biting at her fingernails and I can tell that whatever these 'skeletons' are, they are really getting to her. She needs to talk about it, I can tell.

"I've got time, and booze… actually…" I pull a bottle of Jack Daniels out of my backpack. I drink more often than I'd like to admit. I wouldn't say I have a problem but it makes me numb and that helps me face life sometimes.

"Why do you have Jack?" she asks, though doesn't seem opposed to having some.

"I thought our conversation would go differently, I figured I'd need it for the walk home." I say shamefully.

"Tsk. Sam, you are such an idiot." She jokes.

"Well, if you don't want any-" I say, starting to slide it into my backpack. She grabs it from me and unscrews the cap, taking a swig directly from the bottle. She chokes, but forces herself to swallow it. I take a swig as well and hand it back to her. We pass it back and forth and I'm starting to feel warm. I can only imagine what she's feeling since her tolerance is probably much lower than mine.

"Too sober now?" I ask a few minutes later. She sighs and looks up, then smiles.

"I guess not, Okay, here goes; Remember when I told you I experimented with Mallory?" She sighs again. I nod and continue to take swigs as she talks.

"I, well, it wasn't just fun and games for me after a while. I started to feel things… for her. I wanted to be with her all the time, as more than just a friend." I can see her eyes starting to glaze over with tears that she refuses to let fall.

"It's okay Sophie, you can talk to me. We're friends now, remember?" I start to rub her back. Feeling now, that the decision not to tell her about the picture Kendall showed me was a good one. "What happened?"

"Well… it started off innocent. We were talking about boys and how we needed to learn how to kiss. It ended up with us talking about how to do it less, and practicing more. Then she and I would kiss all the time. I don't know when it turned so serious for me, but after a while, I knew I wasn't 'practicing for boys', I was just enjoying kissing her. I was wanting more and more. One night, the last time we talked for almost six months, I wanted things to go further. We had touched each other's chests before but, nothing further than that. I wanted more, I NEEDED more. I… I reached under her skirt. I wanted to touch her, and she stopped me. She told me that she couldn't let me do that. It was wrong she said, but it felt so right to me. I, ugh… I didn't listen and touched her anyway, I couldn't stop myself. She was so beautiful and I was so turned on. She pushed me away and told me that I needed to leave. She said she was done practicing with me. She didn't want to see me like we had been anymore." She lets the tears fall "Fuck, I thought I was over this. I wanted to convince myself that it all was a stupid game and that my feelings weren't real. I've been working so hard to be normal! Why am I not normal? WE, Sam… Why are WE not normal? *hiccup*" She's crying hard now. "I think I'm drunk"

I take in everything that she has said. I now realize that she was using me to forget about Mallory, just like I was using her, and booze, to forget about Levy. It is all so much to grasp. Feeling overwhelmed, I lose myself in emotions and start to cry with her, I can tell I'm drunk now. I've lost track of how much I've had. I don't know why I'm crying, I haven't been through shit compared to what happened to her. I felt for her, and now I realize, that I think I found a new best friend. Though no one could replace Levy, she was working her way up the totem pole quickly.

"You're an amazing person, you know that?" I hug her.

"So are you, thanks for listening. *hiccup* but now I feel like I've unbandaged a wound. It hurts. It FUCKING HURTS SAM!" she puts her face on my chest and starts balling uncontrollably.

"I know, Sophie, I know." My head starts swirling and I wish that I could make her feel better, make myself feel better. I lift her chin and wipe her tears. "It'll be okay"

She grabs the bottle again and takes another big swig. "Being rejected is such a horrible feeling. It makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me? I can't be that bad, can I? *hiccup*"

"There isn't anything wrong with you, you're absolutely beautiful! Any guy- er- person would be lucky to have you."

She looks up at me and I see something unfamiliar in her eyes. I decide to let myself succumb to the alcohol I've consumed way too much of. She grabs the collar of my shirt and kisses me. I go with it, kissing her back, numbness overpowering me. I imagine she's Levy, just as I'm sure she's picturing someone else, Malory perhaps. Suddenly I don't feel so bad. I can release these built-up feelings and hormones without feeling guilty about it, though, that could be the alcohol thinking right now. We have an unspoken understanding that this kiss isn't to mend what we have, it's to help us in our drunken, lonely state. I push her back on the bed and go down her neck. It's strange, we are touching each other carefully, to avoid touching spots that would let us know we are with the gender neither of us desire. She doesn't touch my chest or below my jeans, I don't touch her breasts or under her skirt. We both know now that we are imagining someone other than each other.

"Fuck me." She says lustfully with her eyes closed. "I know it's wrong but I'm so turned on right now, please, fuck me, Please! I want someone I trust never to hurt me to have my virginity." I nod, thinking that this is a valid point. I take a condom out of my wallet and put it on quickly. I don't look at her, she doesn't look at me.

I start fucking her slowly. I give her time to adjust and she moans which signals me that she's okay, so I keep going. I can feel her rubbing herself off as I'm fucking her. I imagine Levy looking up at me and saying dirty things that get me there fast.

We both reach climax quickly, screaming out names that don't belong to each other. We are panting, and finally open our eyes. She looks at me and smiles.

"That felt really good." She said still breathing heavy

"Yeah, it did" I concur.

"Still Gay?" she asks

"Yup"

"Yeah, Me too."

And that's how I lost my virginity. It was awkward and we were drunk, but I don't regret it. I'd rather give my virginity to a friend who is in the same boat as I am, then to some asshole I think I might love only to have my heart ripped open when we break up. Simple as that. Sophie and I are now good friends, and though we now hold this piece of each other, neither of us can break the others heart, not anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Two Days Later and after Sam had a long thought, he decided to run to Levy's House to tell him he loves him.**

I find myself panting hard as I reach the Broflovski residence. I put my hands on my knees and try to catch my breath. I had run all the way from Starks Pond to here. It was now 2 o'clock and I was praying that Levy had come back here. Before I can regain my composure the front door swings open, and I look up to see Levy staring down at me with a confused look on his face.

"Sam, what are you doing he-"

I cut him off by forcefully smashing my lips to his, pulling him deeper by the collar of his shirt. I have to stand on my tiptoes to get a good capture on his mouth. He quickly falls into the kiss and pulls me inside, turning the tables and pinning me against the door once he has shut it behind us. His hands travel feverishly under my shirt and across my chest, then travel south quickly.

"Who is it sweetie?" Bebe yells from the kitchen.

Levy quickly pulls away from me and grabs my arm, dragging me up the stairs.

"It's just Sam ma, we are gonna play videogames in my room."

Once we make it up the stairs he practically tosses me into his bedroom, closing the door behind him and turning the lock until it clicks. He turns on his heel and grabs my shoulders, hungrily taking my lips again. As he is frantically taking our kiss deeper, he walks forward, backing me up until the back of my knees hit his bed. He presses his entire body against mine and I can feel his dick is standing at attention. We both break away to catch our breath.

"So, I'm guessing the dreams haven't stopped?" I ask breathily.

He pants a bit before bringing his lips to the shell of my ear and whispers, "I haven't slept today, so I don't know, but I don't want them to stop."

This causes me to whimper as he throws me back onto the bed and topples down on top of me. The feverish kissing picks back up as he begins to grind against me. I can't believe how happy I am right now. How could I have ever doubted that this is what I wanted? Now that I've had my closure, I feel the fireworks I thought I would. My whole body is on fire and I'm loving every minute of it! Then Levy pulls away.

"Sam, don't take this the wrong way but I need to know why this is happening. What about Sophie?"

I brushed my nose against his "Don't worry about Sophie, turns out I just needed closure. Besides, Sophie's gay and she actually loves Malory.

"You promise that you won't regret this and change your mind? I need to be completely sure, because I've spent all day convincing myself that this morning was just a fluke… even if I didn't want it to be."

"I promise Levy, please believe me. I never want either of us to be hurting over this again."

He smiles and kisses me again. "I believe you."

"Good, now get over here."

He smirks "Yes sir."

He closes the gap between our lips again and resumes rocking his hips. I feel myself succumbing to pure bliss and just allow the lust and animal instincts to take over. I reach around him and practically tear his shirt in attempt to get it off him. Clothes are so stupid, what's the point of them anyway? His erection is grinding roughly against mine and I'm feeling irritated once again with clothing. I push him off my gently to where he's on his knees so I can get onto mine, refusing to let our lips part for more than just a few moments. I work my way from his lips down to his neck and then up to the shell of his ear.

"Levy, take your clothes off."

I didn't have to ask him twice. In a flash both of us are completely nude and are back to fighting for dominance with our tongues. Levy breaks away to catch his breath.

"There is something that I want to try that I keep dreaming about, can we try it?"

"Sure, what is it?" I ask, still slightly panting.

"Get back on your knees and get as close to me as you can."

I nod and crawl back over to him, getting on my knees as instructed and he mimics my actions. Once we are back to how we were, he locks his lips with mine. Then, to my surprise, I feel him take both our cocks in his hand, rubbing them against one another while pumping. I had seen this in gay porn, but I had never experienced it before. The unfamiliar sensation and heat cause me to moan into his mouth, and break away to lay my forehead on his sweaty shoulder. This feels nice, but I want more. I'm enjoying this way more now that my head and heart are here, and I want to taste him. I take control and grab his shoulders, tossing him beside me onto his back. I immediately dive down, take his shaft into my hand and begin to pump him, while my tongue teases his tip. He arches his hips forward and breathes very audibly.

"fuu… dude…mm… please…"

I smirk and look up to see that his eyes are closed and he has his knuckles between his teeth. I take this as my cue to continue, and take his head in my mouth. He must think I'm doing great because he takes his free hand and tangles his fingers in my hair, giving it a tug. He must remember from before that that always turns me on. I let out a moan around his dick and begin to use hand-mouth coordination, pumping him and bobbing simultaneously. Fuck he tastes good. When we fucked for the first time, that's all it really was. I had prepped myself and just let him fuck me. This time, things were so much better, seriously… SOOOO much better! I had noticed that he was bigger, but now that his dick was in my mouth, it was painfully obvious. My jaw was becoming slightly sore, but I could tell he was really enjoying it, and I want to pleasure him.

"Sam, I'm really close. Can I fuck you?"

I bring my lips off him, suction creating a pop noise. "Sure. Do you want me to prep myself, or do you want to try?"

He bites his lip "I… I want to try, but I'm worried I might hurt you."

"I'll talk you through it, you got any lube?"

He nods, reaches under his bed and pulls out a small grey bottle, then looks at me expectantly. I can't help but smile at him. I take his hand into mine, and the bottle of lube in the other, then coat his ring, middle, and index finger. I lay on my back and give him a genuine smile.

"Okay, so start with the ring finger… just kind of rub my asshole and then VERY slowly, slide your finger inside and move it gently. I'll tell you when you can add more fingers." I instruct.

He nods and does as he's told. His finger is cold from the lube, but not uncomfortable. Once I've adjusted I tell him to add a second finger, and again, he does as he's told. He moves them around and I feel myself stretching nicely. Then, he hits it and all I can see are stars."

"Fuck Levy!" I practically scream.

He freezes and his face is overcome with worry. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

My response is shaky and lustful. "Fuck no you didn't, you hit my prostate… do it again… please?"

He bites his lip in concentration and watches his fingers, trying to mimic the movement he just did.

"Like that?"

I'm biting my lip so hard that I swear I could draw blood. I nod frantically, wordlessly begging him to keep doing what he's doing. He surprises me by adding the third finger, I guess he could feel that I had relaxed. He keeps brushing my prostate and I don't ever want him to stop, but then I feel a rush of emptiness when he removes all the fingers.

"Can I fuck you now please? I don't know if I can wait any longer."

Again, I nod, and he lubes up his dick. He places it at my entrance and pushes into me slowly. His inhales loudly, feeling the intense warmth and pressure. He is being gentle, just like the first time. I want to know what he's really like without any restraint.

"You aren't gonna break me, please, fuck me how you really want to." I beg.

He picks up the pace a bit, but I can still tell he's holding back.

"Harder, faster!" I order.

That does it, and he begins moving franticly, fucking me as fast and hard as he possibly can. I look up to see that his cheeks are filled with blood, and his forehead is starting to sweat. Yeah! This is the good stuff!

"Sam, If I keep going like this, I'm gonna cum."

"I want you to. Cum for me Levy!"

That sends him over the edge. He shudders and slows his pace, riding out his orgasm. His moans are an amazing symphony in my ears. I could listen to him forever. He pulls out and flops down on top of me. I feel him lay his head on my hip bone, clearly exhausted. I feel a sense of happiness and comfort being here with him, and I'm glad this is where we ended up. I start to feel sleepy and almost doze off when I feel my dick suddenly become very wet and very warm. To my surprise, I look down and see that Levy has taken me into his mouth.

"Oh, that's okay dude, you don't have to." I say.

He pulls off me and says, "I want to Stan. You didn't get to cum. I want you to. I've never done this before though so…"

How could I say no to that? He goes to work, and it feels amazing. For someone who's never done this before, I have absolutely no complaints. He mimics the tongue and hand movements I was using on him earlier and I feel myself approaching orgasm almost too quickly.

"Mmmm… damn Levy… I'm getting really close. You should probably finish me with your hand if you don't want me to accidently cum in your mouth…" I practically pant.

He doesn't make any effort to pull away, but runs his thumb reassuringly across my hip bone. I can't hold back anymore and release my seed down his throat. He sits up, and I hand him a tissue from the night stand to spit into. He smiles and swallows proudly, and I can't help but blush, because, damn that was hot. He comes and lays next to me, resting his head on my side.

"Well… That was unexpected… How was it?" I ask.

"Kinda salty." He answers honestly.

I can't help but chuckle at that and begin to run my fingers through his silky curls.

"So… What does this make us?" I ask hesitantly, afraid to ruin the moment.

"How about boyfriends?" He smiles.

"Really?" I ask, not bothering to hide my enthusiasm.

He chuckles. "Yes, really."

I lay my head against his, pull the covers over us, and we drift off, both exhausted. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I let myself get so carried away these last few months. If I had just been a little more patient, I probably could have had this a long time ago. I sleepily kiss the top of Levy's head, and feel warmth arise in my heart. For the first time since I came out, I feel like I'm 100 percent happy. There is nothing that could ruin this for me now! I knew I never stopped loving Levy, I had just been distracted, and now, I will never need another distraction again.


	6. Chapter 6

**6 years later**

"Come on Sam, or we're gonna be late" Levy called from downstairs.

I climb down the rickety stairs of our tiny loft apartment to see Levy waiting by the front door. When he sees me, he smiles.

"Seriously dude? You're hopeless."

He reaches for my tie on my suit and ties it for me. I smile and give him a quick peck on the lips.

"You ready?" He asks.

We head off to the church and my mind feels blissful as I watch the trees whip by through the passenger window. Life is funny sometimes. You have pain and hurt, but you need to feel it to understand what true happiness really is. Sometimes you need to spend some time figuring yourself out and learning who you really are. I've certainly learned that you have to love and accept yourself before you can ever expect anyone else to love you. I'm lucky with Levy that way, some others aren't so lucky. Lily is still off at UCLA, trying to earn her master's degree. Kendall and my sister, Lily were together for a year and a half of fighting and bickering before they decided it wasn't worth it anymore. Lily and I still text every once in a while, and see each other around the holidays. Kendall had moved out of state to help direct pornography and is enjoying the bachelor life, go figure. As for Sophie…

Levy and I take our seats just as the church goes quiet. Two doors, opposite sides of the stage, open simultaneously and someone emerges from each door, greeting each other by joining hands in the center of the stage. Levy grabs my hand and caresses my knuckles with his thumb.

"We are gathered here today, for the bonding of two wonderful individuals who wish to become one. Do you, Sophie Anderson, take Malory Coles to be your lawfully wedded bride for better or worse, sickness or health, rich or poor, so long as you both shall live?"

**FIN**


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